Tuesday, 31 March 2009
She was quite exited today as she bought her dress; a Versace number. All I know is that she said it is so tight she won't be able to wear any knickers under it!
Monday, 30 March 2009
Sunday, 29 March 2009
Trees suffer bark damage: the police are appealing for witnesses.
Dog owner criticises council over overflowing dog mess bins.
Garden party takes over whole village.
Study shows that living in West Eastbourne offers the longest life expectancy of any town in Britain.
At least once a year one falls out of the nest and down the chimney and I hear it tapping around in the chimney breast. I have learnt from bitter experience that the best way to get it out is to open up the chimney breast, open the window and leave the room. After about 20 minutes they normally work it out for themselves!
Wednesday, 25 March 2009
bissou (French word for kiss)
llama cake (maybe from people interested in cooking!)
You are a sad bunch of w*nkers!
(Maybe the title of this post will hook a few more!)
On our visits to France it is common to see one or two fairly portly men, clad in ill fitting Lycra, out for a 'spin' on the country roads. This is also a common sight in England but you can tell the French cyclists as many seem to have bikes that don't quite fit them and look a little awkward.
This year stage 17 of the Tour is a long mountain stage finishing in Le Grand Bornand, where my brother has his chalet. Stage 18 is a time trial in nearby Annecy. It is a Tour de France follower's dream and we have been invited to go (although we are not sure whether we will be able to fit it in with all the house building projects!
The second story, which also made national news, was that three people died in our local hospital of Clostridium Difficile. I had the dubious pleasure of being a guest in said hospital four years ago. Several patients in my ward had clostridium as I overheard the nurses talking about it. I remember only too well the sounds and smells and tried to remember not to let anyone touch me without first checking that they had washed their hands! I was then transfered to a renal unit which had all the modern infection control procedures and equipment and was quite reassured until I overheard the ambulance man (who had just transferred a rather mad patient onto the unit and placed him in the bed opposite me) telling the staff that the patient had MRSA. At this point he was picking up papers, cups, and anything else to hand and throwing them around the ward. I decided I was well enough to leave!
Tuesday, 24 March 2009
I got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning and driving to work came across the 'walking bus'. This is an admirable venture where groups of children congregate to all walk to school together in 'safety' with the company of some responsible adults. But.. why oh why do they have to make them all wear those high visibility jackets! Thirty children walking in line (and there can't be more than thirty or the group is not covered by their risk assessment) are easily spotted without the need for a fluorescent yellow uniform. My concern is that it turns the simple task of walking to school into a monumental lesson in health and safety nonsense equivalent to working on a three lane motorway, and ensures that children never learn how to assess the risk of walking along a road and crossing in traffic on the occasions when they don't have the walking bus with them! Whatever happened to walking to school with your mates like I did (and no, the world wasn't safer, and there weren't less paedophiles and although there were considerably less cars I'm not convinced that the driving was any safer!)
That's my moan for the day!
Saturday, 21 March 2009
The road up from the village gets maybe 2-3 cars an hour along it and very few stop. On Monday at about 2.30 more and more cars started to appear. They parked down by the church, up the side of the road almost up to our house and then down the chemin rurale (track). By 3.00 there were hoards of people down by the little church seemingly standing around. The gathering was still there as we drove off at 5.00.
Thursday, 19 March 2009
As you can see I looked particularly fetching in my Dickies work trousers (with knee pads), my steel toe capped boots and my Tour de France cap (more on that later). Ian meantime decided to sweep the dust out of the kitchen floor. Lets hope this is not the only picture I ever have of him doing that!
Wednesday, 18 March 2009
The new van was great. It is a brand new medium wheelbase Ford Transit with many features such as air conditioning , IPOD player, cruise control, luxury seats etc that make a long journey bearable. Even I managed to drive it in France much to the horror of the HGV drivers (of various nationalities) on the road! I couldn't quite bring myself to adopt their habit of p*ssing by the side of the road when there is a perfectly decent toilet a few metres away so I guess I could never be a proper lorry driver!
We were worried that we would be held up by Eurotunnel as when we phoned to check the new requirement to have no more than 3 cubic metres in the van we were told emphatically that all vans are checked before being allowed on and the officers were expert at judging the size of the load. We arrived promptly for our crossing, hoping that we had not exceeded our dimensions. The port was quiet and we managed to swap to an earlier shuttle. No one even looked up as we drove the van through and the French customs officer did not even look at our passports. We had a similar experience coming back. On the shuttle our van was next to an even bigger one that was stacked from top to bottom with old furniture (I suspect bought from a French Vide Grenier (car boot sale) to be sold off at a profit in a trendy antique store). We asked the driver and several others who were pretty obviously taking commercial goods across if they had ever been stopped and had their van checked and they all stated that they had never been stopped.
I must say the service on Eurotunnel was back to normal; frequent crossings, no queues, very quiet and all together stress free.
Friday, 13 March 2009
There are rumours that there will only be 2 banks left once the credit crunch is over, the blood bank and the sperm bank, both will still be run by bl**dy wankers though.!!
I have managed to 'get' at least 7 people with this joke so I guess I need to put £7 into the comic relief pot!
We are now off to France until Wednesday.
Tuesday, 10 March 2009
Sunday, 8 March 2009
As well as being targeted by over 50s dating on Facebook I also get emails for over 50s insurance. This turned out to save me over £100 when renewing my home insurance although I was a bit annoyed when the policy came through the letterbox with it's big red logo 'insurance services for the over 50s'. It was fun, however, to list my expensive mountain bike on the 'all risks' section of the policy!
Tuesday, 3 March 2009
Sunday, 1 March 2009
The exact make and origin of the toilets are unclear but they look quite nice. However, Ian will need to go on a plumbing course to learn how to install them as the instructions are vague to say the least!
1. Install the toilet according to the height.
2. Make the position of the hole according to the dimension of the hole at the back side of the toilet.
3. Install the pipe of drainage and the pipe of water-in for the water tank.
4. Drill holes according to the position made before.
5. Install the pull-burst screws.
6. Install the toilet, fix the plastic stuff, and make it be level with the level ruler.
7. Install the screw nut to make the pull-burst screw firmly.
8. Cover the screw cover.
9. Install the toilet cover.
I suppose this is the inevitable consequence of programmes such as Google translate and Babel fish!
There are definite signs of spring everywhere. Yesterday was spent paying some attention to the much neglected garden. The plants that had been killed by frost were removed and others cut back and the lawn mowed for the first time. The crocuses that I planted a few years ago are in bloom and the daffodils will be open by next week. I also fished out a pile of decaying leaves and paper from the bottom of the pond, disturbing newt in the process!
Meantime evenings have been spent discussing the pros and cons of various types of plasterboard. The next stage of the house is the construction of the internal walls and ceilings. The quotes we have had from professionals are rather expensive and the plasterboard itself is twice as expensive in France, so the plan is to fill up the van and drive it down (at least it was until Eurotunnel decided to change the rules about how much we could put in the van). Our task in March is to mark out the walls and in April we are going down to build them with Ian's friend. Last weekend Ian visited his cousin (a plasterboard expert) to discuss the various construction techniques, how to get the walls strong enough to hang toilets off them and how to soundproof them, so now I am keeping my fingers crossed that a) he can remember the instructions and b) I don't have to spend my week lifting 6 foot sheets of board!
I should also add that in my loft we currently have two wall hung wash basins, four toilet frames and a two single beds. In the car are four toilets awaiting transfer to the loft! As Ian has just pointed out we have two toilets each. He also pointed out that by doing the walls ourselves we can save the cost of two llamas!