Norma

Norma is a grumpy old woman now. She can only move in the morning after sitting in front of the warmth of the radiator for an hour or so. This relaxes her stiff old joints enough for her to ease herself up and move towards the kitchen. Her movements are hampered by the fact that she is not thin. Norma has lived for food and this weakness has taken its toll. When she walks her stomach is not far from the floor and climbing up onto the sofa is usually only possible on the third attempt. Having lived to a good age Norma devotes what remaining time she has to gaining as much pleasure for herself as she can. She contrives to get as much food, as much fuss and attention and as much comfort as she can. Any other treatment (like having to wait too long for food or not having a comfortable radiator or lap to sleep next to during the times when she is not eating) she considers to be gross neglect. Very occasionally she remembers what it was like to young and races madly around the garden, only to stop a few seconds later and contemplate her surroundings before running in to the safety and warmth of indoors as soon as possible. When Norma is happy she purrs so loudly you can hear her all around the house but she snores like a trouper and can fart worse than a man after 10 pints of lager. Norma has been with me in two homes and been by my side longer than any man I have known.